Being Queer

My introduction briefly addresses my being bisexual and how I usually refer to myself as Q/queer. I'm an officer in the "gay and lesbian" student organization at my law school (and apparently the only overtly "gay" group listed on the student association website for the entire university). My friend John is the president of this group and heard from a student in a media diversity class who needed to interview "gay" people for a class presentation. John's a good guy, and I agreed to help out. I didn't realize I was agreeing to be on camera! Good thing I took a shower Sunday morning and didn't wear anything too heinous.

I am often hesitant to represent Queerness, thinking of myself as a queer-Queer. Bisexuality is (at least begrudingly) acceptable in the alphabet soup I think of as Queerdom. But the truth is, I'm a little more complicated than that. I've been partnered with a male for nearly seven years. He has another female partner and we three all live in the same house. Although monogamy isn't my reality, sometimes de facto celibacy is, unfortunately. Have I mentioned that I haven't kissed another woman for over two years? Two years. Too long!

Yes, I'm still Queer/bi. But what the hell do I know about what it's like to be gay? I get hetero privilege, much to my dismay and frankly, disgust. I am "read" more as a polygamist wife than a poly-Queer.

In fact, during the interview, when I was asked if I regretted my "decision" (to which I first replied that the only choice I ever made about being Queer was the choice to be honest), I told the guy that if anything, I wish I could just be one "way" or another. At the same time, I don't have any interest in being any other way than I actually am, Queer/bi or not. Do I actually believe in these labels and identities? Not really. I do actually believe that sexuality is a continuum, but dualistic society forces many Queer/bis to pick a side and stick with it.

I understand that identity helps us know where we are and position ourselves relative to others. But I think it's a shame the ways in which identity politics stigmatize and polarize.

While I was in San Diego, I was drinking at a bar with a woman I thought was a law student but turned out to be a law professor. After telling her about my family and relationship realm, she said, "You know, five minutes ago I was interested. But after you tell me that, I gotta be honest, I'm not interested in going there." Had I not been well on my way to drunk, I would've inquired whether it was the polyamory or the bisexuality that turned her off more, or if it was just a combination of factors. In any case, I appreciated her candor. Because I often pick up something about it, but rarely do people articulate their reservations or thoughts or opinions or questions.

I don't know where else to go with this. Ran out of steam. Con law and the establishment clause await. With baited breath.