My most constant companion since August 2004 will be away from me for an entire week as she gets fixed up and rejuvenated.
The prospect of lying in bed without my beloved laptop perched on my knee, kinky porn du jour glimmering across her screen . . . I don't think I can adequately express my horror.
28.12.07
27.12.07
Staying Warm
Yesterday it snowed. It didn't stick. But it snowed.
Hot tub and cozy rainbow sox make it all bettah.
Hot tub and cozy rainbow sox make it all bettah.
25.12.07
Is That Snow?!
Of all the things I may or may not miss about the place I used to live, it is quite safe to say that I do not miss the snow. I'm not talking about the easy access to snowy mountainous locales for sledding or snowshoeing or winter hiking. I'm talking about snow-in-the-city-in-my-daily-life. I don't miss that.
I am thrilled to live in a place where "Oh my god, is that snow?!" is a joyful and novel thing to hear.
Seeing big fat flakes falling from a precipitous sky on December 25 brought a smile to this face today. So long as the snow continues to fall on Mount Hood, and leave us with non-freezing rain, Mother Nature and I will continue on with our current stellar record.
Feliz Navidad!
I am thrilled to live in a place where "Oh my god, is that snow?!" is a joyful and novel thing to hear.
Seeing big fat flakes falling from a precipitous sky on December 25 brought a smile to this face today. So long as the snow continues to fall on Mount Hood, and leave us with non-freezing rain, Mother Nature and I will continue on with our current stellar record.
Feliz Navidad!
21.12.07
Bubbles
J: I'm leaving for Wisconsin on the 22nd, the morning of that dark solstice day. I get synced up, embarking on cosmically significant dates.
me: The time of solstice is actually tonight at 10:08 pm PST, making last night the longest night of the year and today the shortest day. Longer days and shorter nights from here on out - hooray for the return of light!
(pause)
me: Um. . . . Well. I'm sure your leaving for Wisconsin on the 22nd can still be auspicious, though. It's the second-shortest day.
me: The time of solstice is actually tonight at 10:08 pm PST, making last night the longest night of the year and today the shortest day. Longer days and shorter nights from here on out - hooray for the return of light!
me: Um. . . . Well. I'm sure your leaving for Wisconsin on the 22nd can still be auspicious, though. It's the second-shortest day.
Safe travels!
Bright Solstice Blessings!
Bright Solstice Blessings!
18.12.07
Temptation
Look, I know about the dangers of being dooced. I love dooce. I'm working my way through her archives right now, still in pre-dooced dooceland. Savoring.
Nevertheless.
The temptation to write about the shocking shit that comes from the rednecky mouth attached to the wide-blue-eyed woman in my office is nearly overwhelming me. Almost as overwhelming as the urge to masturbate in public. Not quite, but almost.
I'm on the verge of starting an anonymous spot. I have the name picked out, but if I post it here, I just might be blowing the anonymity.
But I will say this:
If that bitch says one more time, "No offense!" after making an ugly homo-hating comment, my head just might explode and splatter queer brains and blood all over her crunchy-with-hair-product head.
...
Nevertheless.
The temptation to write about the shocking shit that comes from the rednecky mouth attached to the wide-blue-eyed woman in my office is nearly overwhelming me. Almost as overwhelming as the urge to masturbate in public. Not quite, but almost.
I'm on the verge of starting an anonymous spot. I have the name picked out, but if I post it here, I just might be blowing the anonymity.
But I will say this:
If that bitch says one more time, "No offense!" after making an ugly homo-hating comment, my head just might explode and splatter queer brains and blood all over her crunchy-with-hair-product head.
...
Dirty Eggs
me: Do the chickens push the egg out their vagina or their ass? Sometimes it seems like there is shit on the eggs when I gather them.
N: Chickens don't have vaginas or assholes. They have cloacae. It's an all-purpose hole. So yeah, there probably is some shit on the eggs, coming out of the all-purpose hole.
me: No chicken vaginas?
N: No chicken vaginas.
me: Hmm. . . How do the roosters fertilize the eggs?
N: A rooster has a cloaca too. So when a hen and a rooster mate, they rub their cloacae together for the fluid exchange. [Seriously - he used the words "fluid exchange." And my mind wandered into thoughts about rubbing holes together before realizing . . . .]
me: A rooster has an all-purpose hole too? So a cock doesn't have a cock? My mind has been blown.
+++++
Wikipedia says roosters don't have penises.
Some guy at Harv*rd says male chickens do have a small penis (buried in their all-purpose hole, I'm guessing.)
This Aussie site on chicken ("chook") breeding doesn't mention penises, just the all-purpose hole.
+++++
You know, I am not interested in the chicken-or-egg question. I AM interested in knowing how a penis came to be known as a cock if male chickens don't really have one, or if they do, it's buried in their all-purpose shit-semen-piss hole. Etymology of sex slang is fascinating. Or perhaps I just need to get some sleep.
N: Chickens don't have vaginas or assholes. They have cloacae. It's an all-purpose hole. So yeah, there probably is some shit on the eggs, coming out of the all-purpose hole.
me: No chicken vaginas?
N: No chicken vaginas.
me: Hmm. . . How do the roosters fertilize the eggs?
N: A rooster has a cloaca too. So when a hen and a rooster mate, they rub their cloacae together for the fluid exchange. [Seriously - he used the words "fluid exchange." And my mind wandered into thoughts about rubbing holes together before realizing . . . .]
me: A rooster has an all-purpose hole too? So a cock doesn't have a cock? My mind has been blown.
+++++
Wikipedia says roosters don't have penises.
Some guy at Harv*rd says male chickens do have a small penis (buried in their all-purpose hole, I'm guessing.)
This Aussie site on chicken ("chook") breeding doesn't mention penises, just the all-purpose hole.
+++++
You know, I am not interested in the chicken-or-egg question. I AM interested in knowing how a penis came to be known as a cock if male chickens don't really have one, or if they do, it's buried in their all-purpose shit-semen-piss hole. Etymology of sex slang is fascinating. Or perhaps I just need to get some sleep.
16.12.07
Pondering . . .
. . . how these fit together:
More on this later.
Actions speak louder than words.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
11.12.07
4:00 dusk
I've never lived this far north before.
Glow on me, full-spectrum light, set on a timer to go off like the sunshine at 6:00 am!
Glow!
Glow on me, full-spectrum light, set on a timer to go off like the sunshine at 6:00 am!
Glow!
5.12.07
This Just In
Drinking caffeinated beer
and halfheartedly watching
exotic dancers doing yoga
in a nearly-empty bar
is a pleasant way
to spend an early Tuesday evening.
Or perhaps
the pleasantness
was the exceptional company.
and halfheartedly watching
exotic dancers doing yoga
in a nearly-empty bar
is a pleasant way
to spend an early Tuesday evening.
Or perhaps
the pleasantness
was the exceptional company.
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