Lately I've been gaining perspective on a particularly predominant storyline over the past twelve years of my life. I encountered Teafaerie, with whom I share several commonalities, and had the opportunity to tell that story to someone who didn't have preconceived notions, not knowing any of the players. In some ways, it was a little strange to tell such a personal story to a virtual stranger, but it was also quite liberating. From what I know of this person, she is very open and generous, and it felt okay being so forthright.
It was wonderful, to look back and tell the whole thing, from a brief overview of my first boyfriend at age 17, to coming out, to meeting B and practicing polyamory, to getting married, to meeting K and living in a poly family for four years, to extricating myself from that family and all the consequent emotions, realizations, and growth.
The messages I wrote were long, getting the whole story out, and I suppose in some ways my motivation for writing them was highly self-interested. I just needed some outside motivation to get me to sit down and really look at it from a birds-eye. My perspective right now feels very solid, and I'm noticing things about the way my body reacts to different scenarios and interactions. I'm paying attention to what works and what doesn't work for me. I'm feeling not only accountable for what has been but also willing and excited to make new kinds of choices for the future. I am eschewing regret and sorrow for choices and choosing instead to learn from has been and create my reality afresh.
Were some event to unfold at any moment and my life were to end, I have lived an amazing, incredible life. I have learned, I have loved, and the living just gets better and better.
As sappy as these kinds of posts sound, they are an accurate reflection of where I am. And to realize how far I've traveled on this journey makes me profoundly glad.
Blessed Life! I'm enjoying the view in the rearview, but even more excited to see what lies ahead, what I create for myself.
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