24.4.06

Sex Reading

A few articles I've recently enjoyed & favorite quotes:

Asexuality
"This is where many folks out there in TV land might have trouble believing asexuality is not cover for something else. So you can masturbate and still call yourself asexual?"

G Spot
"A few doctors have argued this spot lacks any of the special mythological powers attributed to it - it's like the Bermuda Triangle of female anatomy."

Changing Castro
"A woman [was] upset about a Buddhist god with a very large penis."

Genderqueer
"Seahorses are bona fide genderfuckers."

Bisexuality on the Rise
"The more they like sex, the more women like women."

16.4.06

Buckled

Buckled. As in, buckle down. Just crawling in from my last big party night until finals are over. Two and a half more weeks until the end of my 2L year; a staggering amount of work to accomplish in a mere seventeen days.

And so, another quote from that eerie daily horoscope:
The Sun and Pluto, holding hands, are chorusing: “You can’t keep a good Aries down.” Whether it’s (whatever “it” is) the call of the wild or a megamerger, chances are that it will be way too strong to resist or ignore.

13.4.06

Commitment

Anyone who thinks that polyamory is somehow divested of commitment should live inside my head for a day. An hour might even be sufficient. This wee-hours-post is me saying that my embodiment of polyamory takes commitment.

The commitment is philosophical. The commitment is emotional. The commitment is sometimes wrenching. And yet I persist. Am I just stubborn? Deluded? Too idealistic for my psychological and emotional well-being?

At the risk of sounding like an unrealistic hippie (perhaps an apt characterization in light of what follows), living my truth is the only way I can look myself in the eye through the mirror, and what makes gazing in others' eyes comfortable. My truth is fluid, evolving, and I wrestle every day with being honest with my views and their application to the minutiae of mundane choices that create my life.

And for a little more hippie-talk, I've come to realize, in lessons building to a crescendo over the past year, that my capacity for love is tremendous. Greater than I ever knew possible.

And yet, in this moment, I feel a profound sadness. There are two people for whom I care - someone I've loved for a long time and someone I've only very recently known with growing fondness - who feel unsure and doubtful polyamory is the right lovestyle for them. I would never want, nor presume, to change how anyone lives and loves. But vague uncertainty drains a bit, leaving me slightly worn and raw. Exposed.

These, for me, are the challenging moments of polyamory.

Franklin has a great website, so I looked there for guidance, understanding, comfort, something with which I could relate. "Poly relations for monogamous people" doesn't seem to quite catch the nuance of the various poly-resistant relations and interactions I'm currently experiencing, whether it's changing perceptions of a poly-self, or misgivings from the outset. "Things your partner wants you to know" has some good stuff that rang true, but not quite there either. "How to become a secure person" has something different to say to me, every time I read it. But ultimately, it was "Poly 101" that reminded me of what I needed to hear.

Writing this out has made me feel better. Mission accomplished.

Now I'm tired, on a bifurcated sleep cycle, and need to get a few hours of rest before getting up for another long day.

And an expectedly beautiful springtime day.

9.4.06

Catching Up


The new decade is already moving too quickly. These last weeks have included a string of very good academic and professional news, an excess of partying in celebration of that good news and my birthday, moving out of my house, thinking about trying to pull my nose above the quickly rising tide of schoolwork and work-work (and not quite doing it yet), negotiating how to restructure an evolving seven-year poly relationship, telling my parents I'm amicably divorcing that same partner this summer, and thoroughly enjoying a new interaction with someone I've had my eye on for awhile.

My festival week was fabulous, culminating in a celebration with about twenty friends at Ouida Lounge. One of my favorite things about Ouida's - besides the blue sky and clouds painting on the ceiling - is the hookah rentals. Oh yeah. Nothin' keeps me from smoking cigarettes like puffing on some apple-flavored tobacco.




And of course, here's the requisite daffodil, my birthday flower. Something about daffodils makes me glad to be alive. And something about snow on daffodils (which we got a few days later), tells me I'm home. Springtime in the Wasatch.


It's good to have left my twenties behind. I'm so over them.